Porridge + Honey

(or HOW TO EAT PARRITCH LIKE A 17th CENTURY SCOT)

British Measurement:

  • 5 oz (100g) Pinhead Oatmeal
  • 1-1/2 Pints Water (milk or a milk/water mix can be used if you prefer)
  • Generous pinch of salt

US Measurement:

  • 1-1/2 cups Pinhead Oatmeal
  • 3 cups Water (or alternatives as above)
  • Generous pinch of salt

Directions//

  1. Put water in heavy bottomed pot and bring to the boil on high heat over your kitchen hearth fire.
  1. Raise the pot off the fire to reduce to medium heat. Sprinkle oats on top and stir into water, to reduce risk of your porridge getting lumpy. (Lumpy is bad, like really bad.)
  1. Get out your Spurtle – that long wooden kitchen tool, the one passed down from your Great-Great-Grannie in the fifteenth century, that is used to stir porridge, soups, stews, broths (basically all the foods Scots eat in an attempt to stay warm in miserable Scottish weather). That special shaped tool keeps those disgraceful lumps from forming. Lump-free porridge will show you’re a Porridge Pro. Lumpy porridge, and you’ll be the one they whisper about at the next ceilidh.
  1. Stir your porridge clockwise, and preferably with your right hand, otherwise the Devil will come for ye while yer stirring.
  1. Recite Robert Burns 3 times:

“But now the supper crowns their simple board,

The halesome parritch, Chief of Scotland’s food.”

(Think of it as the Scottish version of:

There’s no place like home

There’s no place like home

There’s no place like home.)

  1. Serve in wooden bowls and eat standing up. We dinna have time to sit. We have to go feed the sheep.
  1. Each spoonful should be dipped in cream from a bowl shared by everyone (still standing) at the table.
  1. After everyone is finished, pour whatever isn’t eaten into a drawer (remember, Tupperware hasna been invented yet) and allow to cool.
  1. Once cooled, cut up into slices or blocks, wrap in a piece of plaid (plastic wrap hasna been invented either), and take out to the fields for a midday snack.  Just remember, keep it away from those sheep.

Toppings Options:

  • Honey
  • Maple syrup
  • Berries or Jam
  • Brown sugar

 

Shop All Our Soaps Here